movie jerk returns.

almost two years ago, i made a post about how i was going to try reviewing movies again after a previous two-year laziness streak.
i'm going to try this again. again.
the movie jerk will rise again.
coming soon, reviews of Prometheus, Snow White and the Huntsman and Drive.
get out of here.

coming soon.... back.... again......

i'm coming back another tour of duty. a recently acquired high speed internet will allow for easier, faster movie blogging and nonsense. have a couple good ones lined up. will maybe try and stick with a BIG review every few days, with paragraph reviews each week or so.
we'll see.
i've said this before...

Where did my sweater go?

Ed Wood

* * * *

Tim Burton makes a damn fine film. There arent any of his movies that I can say I hate. In fact, I love almost all of them. Even his remake of Planet of the Apes.

I recently watched Burton's Ed Wood only to find out that, yes, Tim Burton had made a wonderful film about the "worst director of all time." I loved the fact that the movie was more of a biopic than a retelling about the making of Plan 9 from Outer Space. I found the movie very funny and refreshing. Ed Wood was a very interesting character. Having only seen a couple of interviews with him and a few pictures, I thought Johnny Depp did a great job of capturing Wood's essence. Which is remarkably a lot like John Waters' appearance and mannerisms.

The entire cast was perfect, especially Martin Landau, who`s role of Bela Lugosi was stand-out. The script was amazing too. I loved that the whole movie, knowing how awful a director Wood was, he really thought of his movies as little masterpieces and always strived to be like his idol, Orsen Welles.

I thought it was funny that I`d never seen this movie before. I love Ed Wood`s movies, but had never seen the movie about Ed Wood. Ironic. Or something like that.

I highly recommend this one to everyone who hasn`t seen it. And I also quarantee that you`ll want to see Glen or Glenda, Bride of the Monster and Plan 9 from Outer Space once this movie is done too.

Another good one! See it.

I only wish there were more current directors like Ed Wood.... although, Uwe Boll is making a play for it!!

Bring your SPF 9,000,000,000,000,000,000

Sunshine

* * * *

Have you seen 2001: A Space Odyssey? That is one creepy-ass movie. When HAL goes all beserk. But the thing with 2001 is that it takes SO long to get moving, I find anyways. I like it, but I like Sunshine a lot more.

Sunshine jumps you right into the whole madness. Right from the get-go, you keep getting this eerie feeling that things are going to go pear-shaped and right fuck-a-row. Which it does.

The plot is that the sun has died, and a team of astronauts are sent with a gigantic atomic bomb the size of Manhatten to shoot into the sun with the hopes of reigniting it. This is the second mission of the aptly named space shuttle, Icarus. Icarus I went missing within a close range of the sun, never completing its mission. Icarus II follows the same course, with hopes of carrying out thier mission, and maybe finding out what happened to the other crew. Of course, madness ensues, and all of the shit hits the fan.

I love this movie. I've recently recommended it to a lot of friends. I found it very creepy. It did an amazing job of building tension and pulling it off. The premise alone is frightening. Plus, Cillian Murphy is in it. The man could just stare into the camera and give you the creeps.

If you love sci-fi, and amazing tension-building movies, you have to see Sunshine. Nothing bad to say about it at all. See it.

The only complaint from the MovieGuy's desk is the lack of awful movies I've been seeing lately. I need some shit people. Fuck these good movie fuckers.

um... huh?

Revolver

* *

Sometimes, I think any sort of infamy will go to a director's head. They might get a little pretentious, or think maybe, just maybe, they're a little bit better than what they actually are. Sometimes, their heads get to swollen, and the figure, 'I've made two incredible films already, now I'm gonna do what I want to do.'

Then they make Swept Away.

I love Guy Ritchie's first two movies. I remember seeing Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels at an advanced screening, and being to the theatre for opening night of Snatch. Those two movies were well written, acted and directed. They were smart and funny and entertaining.

Then Swept Away came along.

Ritchie took a hit for it. Honestly, I didn't ever see it. It looked too bad. But when I found out that he'd made a fourth film, Revolver, I'd hoped that maybe this would be his comeback film. Sadly, its not.

Revolver's plot is very intricate. Well, complicated is more like it. Without giving away any major plot points, this movie is along the same vein as The Usual Suspects and Fight Club. Sort of. Its also nowhere near as good as either of those movies. I actually think the confusing parts of this movie take so much away from the overall experience. If it had just been straight forward, like Ritchie's other movies, it would have been a lot better.

Guy Ritchie needs to go back to his original formula for movie making: make good movies.

Pass on this one unless you're a big Guy Ritchie fan. And even then, you still might not like it.

In Heaven, everything is fine...

Eraserhead

* * * *

I recently got to see Eraserhead for the first time. Then I watched it again. And again. Three times I've seen this movie in one week. And honestly, I still can't explain what the hell is going on with this movie.

Eraserhead follows the story of Henry, who doesn't really have a job, and thinks his girl has left him, but it turns out his life is about to turn upside down. He finds out that his girl has had a "baby". A weird mutated thing that looks more like something from Alien than a David Lynch movie.

Then there's the Lady in the Radiator, who Henry dreams about stomping on gigantic sperm. And there's the mysterious Lady Across the Hall, who Henry has a brief encounter with. And there's a strange dream sequence when Henry's brain becomes erasers on pencils.

If anyone can explain any of this to me, I'd love the help. Because this movie is FUCKED UP.

But I love it. And I can't explain why. Maybe it's because I've heard so many things about this movie, and it totally lived up to, and beyond, the hype. I dunno. But this movie really grabbed a hold of me in a messed up way. There have been a handful of movies that I've seen that grabbed me like this in some strange way, and I just watch them over and over and over. I remember watching Good Will Hunting a lot after it came out. And after I saw Raging Bull for the first time, I just couldn't stop. Eraserhead has now joined this exclusive group of films.

If you've never seen Eraserhead, you simply have to. I'm sure you'll hate it. Because honestly, its probably the craziest thing you'll ever see.

wha happon?

Captain America

* 1/2

I love superhero movies. And I love bad movies. And I love when the two cross over. Opinions are my own, but for every good superhero movie, there is one bad one. For every Batman Begins there is a Batman and Robin; for every Spiderman 2 there is a Spiderman 3; for every Hellboy there is a Hulk.

There have been some notorious names associated with awful superhero movies over the years: Roger Corman, Dolph Lundgren, George Clooney, Joel Schumacher. But never before, with the blessing of Marvel, has such a cast of nobodies brought such a beloved comic book character to the screen. And the funniest thing about it, is that there are quality actors in this movie (Ronnie Cox, Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin) but none of them carry one of the major roles in the film. Instead, the title character is played by Matt Salinger, son of author JD Salinger. After watching this movie, its no wonder the author is in hiding.

This movie has all the properties to be a Roger Corman flick, but isn't. Its just plain, downright, all-out, full-bore, awful. Everything is awful about it. Quality actors underused; Captain America having NO muscle content whatsoever; Captain America's costume hanging raggedly from Salinger's body like a dress; the shield looking like a frisbee most of the time; Red Skull's pulsating face; the fact that Red Skull cut his hand off with a dagger.... everything. Too many things to name.

I remember reading about how Marvel Comics were so underwhelmed during the making of Dolph Lundgren's The Punisher that they pulled their name from it, which is why the main character doesn't sport the trademark skull t-shirt. I don't know how they didn't pull out of this one. I can't imagine anyone watching the dailies and going 'This movie is going to KICK. ASS!'

Captain America is a movie of legend. Like Roger Corman's Fantastic Four (get your hands on that gem), this one is hard to come by and pretty much only available as a bootleg. But it's legendary. And its awful. And I loved everything about it.

I highly recommend this one to anyone who likes superhero movies and bad movies.

Three cheers (and one and a half stars) for Captain America. Now, if only we could get the same cast together for a sequel...

when feeling dead, one must watch the dead.

During a recent bout of bronchitis/influenza, I spent a couple days in bed, wishing for the pain and illness to stop, but also watching some Romero films as well. Nothing helps pass the time (and fever) like watching horrific zombie gore.

I'd seen the original Dawn and Day before, but hadn't made it through Land in one sitting since I'd owned it.

I am a big supporter of zombie movies, no matter how awful, and am even more in love with Romero's zombie films, because no matter what, his always come out smelling like roses. Or rotting flesh. Something.

With the upcoming DVD release of Diary of the Dead, I felt it proper to post my review of the last three of Romero's (at the time) quadrilogy.

Dawn of the Dead

* * * * 1/2

The ultimate zombie film. So good on so many levels. Creepy. Gory. Intense. Lots of good moments throughout the entire movie. Probably one of the greatest zombie movies ever made, and one of my favourite movies of all time.

Day of the Dead

* * *

Day is actually a somewhat weak movie. There isn't much zombie gore until the last half hour or so. There are some plot points that don't make sense, but the movie is still fun. Except for the zombie lovingly referred to as Bub. I didn't like Bub too much. But what are you gonna do? I understand why Bub is there, and what it means, but I just didn't like him.

Land of the Dead

* * *

Land is a fun movie. With the zombies behind held outside the "last fortified city" in North America, people are trying to live the "perfect life" they can. But when the zombie start communicating and lead an assault on the city, all hell breaks loose. Nice casting in this one, and with the progression of the zombie movies, the special effects become more realistic and the gore gets more disgusting. I had a fun time watching this one.

If you aren't a fan of Romero's zombie films, you should be. They're all amazing in their own right. Dawn because it just is. Day because the guy that plays the army commander and "leader" of the group is hilarious and so over the top. Land because it's neat to see some of the main characters turn into zombies and who wouldn't want to see Dennis Hopper in a zombie flick? I can't wait to see Diary of the Dead.

I wonder what Romero will cook up next? Whatever it is, I hope it can only provide at least a quarter as much entertainment the next time I'm sick.