we got a bleeder!

High Tension

* * * 1/2

What can a movie reviewer say? In my last review, I said that The Descent was one of the best horror movies to come along in really long time. I still hold true to that statement. In fact, that movie is still so firmly embedded inside of me, that I wouldn't be too hard pressed to say that I might be able to name it as one of my ten favourite movies of all time. Then I stumbled across a little French tickler called High Tension in the discount bin at my local video store. After shelling out the hefty price of $4.99, plus applicables, this gem was home with me, and much like The Descent, one of the best horror movies in a long while.

Marie and Alex go home for a weekend from college to study for an exam. Alex introduces Marie to her family, and after a night of normal family activities, everyone hits the sack. But there's a mysterious knock at the door late at night, and that's when the mayhem begins.

A mysterious stranger randomly attacks the house, killing Alex's family and takes her hostage. What the stranger doesn't know is that Marie is there too. And Marie is one tough mofo.

This movie is incredibly gory in places. Its not that the whole thing is blood and guts, like the Saw franchise, but what there is for killing is incredibly detailed. I also watched the Unrated version of Hihg Tension which is supposed to be a lot more violent than the R-rated version. For the gore, its not for the squeamish. But for story and plot twists, the ones in this movie are like nothing you've seen in a horror film before.

Director Alexandre Aja manages to hold you on the edge of your seat throughout the entire movie with the tension in the movie. It builds and climaxes at least five or six times over the course of ninety nine minutes. A great job by Aja, who directed one of my other favourite horror movies in the last couple years, the remake of The Hills Have Eyes.

I highly recommend this one to any true horror fan out there. You want blood, guts, thrills, chills, twists, turns, axes, circular saws and a great horror flick, check out High Tension. I do have to specify the Unrated version though. It just wouldn't be the same without the circular saw scene at the end.

There's a reason these caves aren't named

The Descent

* * * *

Its not often that I see a horror movie that I would consider not only entertaining, but a great piece of moviemaking that borders on art. This movie starts out with a bang, literally, and just keeps on going in sucha direction that you can't help but feel yourself getting more and more attached to the characters.

After the horrific death of her husband and child, Sarah and her friends decide to go cave diving on the one year anniversairy of the accident to help her with her grieving. One of the girls in the group has found an uncharted cave but doesn't tell the girls that her plan is to take them through the uncharted territory with the hopes of naming the system after Sarah. Once inside the cave, they soon become trapped, and then realize that they aren't alone underground.

Of course.

The plot sound familiar. I reviewed a movie called The Cave a while back that had a similar plot, but was not even close to being as good as this one. And then there's Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark, which I haven't seen, but have heard absolutely nothing good about. I think what makes this movie so good is the human element at the beginning with Sarah's family dying. This is the first ten minutes of the movie and the acting here is great and it really puts you in touch with her character and makes you care for her right off the bat. Especially since we know that something bad is going to happen to her.

This movie is crammed full of gore and violence once it starts happening. Its almost like two movies in one. The beginning is a women's empowerment+overcoming the odds story. The second half is a horror/gore-fest+women's empowerment movie.

I loved everything about this movie. It was the first movie that had made me jump so much in about 10 years. It had me out of my seat more than once. I highly recommend this one for anyone who likes horror or just a great movie in general. It is easily something I could watch more than once and it it making me want to seek out director Neil Marshall's other movie, Dog Soldiers.

If I take nothing else away from this movie, though, its this: I know, with utmost certainty, that this reviewer will not, under any circumstances, be doing any cave diving any time in the near future.

See this movie!!

I wouldn't shave your legs right now...

Cabin Fever

* * *

A group of five teenagers rent a cottage in some small backwoods town, with the intent of doing some serious partying. There's a dating couple, a couple that wants to be dating and the single party machine guy. All begins well, but when a stranger shows up at the cottage, all plans go awry. Especially when said stranger's flesh is rotting off and the disease is more contagious than the Rhinovirus.

This is the premise for Eli Roth's Cabin Fever. In case you don't recognize the name, Roth directed one of my other favourite movies, Hostel (see earlier review) and the coming soon surprise, Hostel II.

But here's the thing: I liked Cabin Fever. I'm a big fan of the teenagers at the cottage horror movie. Evil Dead is one of my favourite movies. And this one takes that original, now-clicheed, premise of 'something evil in the woods' and makes it a little bit different than most of the other movies that have borrowed this time-tested premise. Granted, most of the horror clichees pop up: there's a sex scene within the first couple minutes of the movie (yes, those people end up dying), there's the creepy music, there's the bump-in-the-night-that-turns-out-to-be-a-cat (actually, a former x-gamer with a huge bag of pot), there's the creepy locals, and there's Party Cop. Party Cop isn't necessairily a clichee... just a very strange character.

This movie doesn't try too hard to be serious. It knows its a b-movie and almost relishes said fact. There are copious amounts of blood, but given the nature of the disease, it isn't out of place. The disease seems to infect the people and basically rot them from the inside out. My favourite scene is where a girl, once infected, decides to have a bath and shave her legs, where as she drags the razor across her shin, the skin comes off in the same stroke. There are a couple of other good scenes that made me think, 'Well, really, if something like this did happen, I think I might do the same thing.' Even if it is putting loved ones out of their misery with a pick-axe.

I seem to think I'll catch some flack for giving Cabin Fever three stars out of five. Its a known fact that I love the b-grade cinema. This movie is one of a small group of recent movies that are current b-grade classics. There's a quote on the box from Peter Jackson that says something about how much he loves Cabin Fever. If Peter Jackson can love it, so can I. If I had seen this movie before Roth's second movie (Hostel), I'm sure I would be excited for his future releases.

I now only plead with Eli Roth to go back to making good movies ( ! ) like Cabin Fever and stop making pablum like the Hostel movies.

if only there was a chokeslam...

See No Evil

So, Superman Returns was one of the best movies I've seen in a long while. It was classy and entertaining and a well made all around film. It was somewhat of a shock to post a review of a really good movie. And then there was this little gem here.

Vince McMahon is the mastermind behing the WWE (formerly the WWF). He used to solely be a wrestling promoter, but after hot property The Rock was in a couple movies, and Vince was named the executive producer because they were using Dwayne Johnson's wrestling name (The Rock) in the credits, Vince thought it would be good to get into the movie game. This was one of the reasons the WWF because the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment): Vince wanted to get into more than just wrestling. And See No Evil was the first true WWE affiliated movie project. And who did Vince pluck from his roster of muscle-bound actors to star in his first picture? John Cena? Nope.... his movie is second. Batista? Nope. No, Vince decided to hang the hopes on Kane.

Here's the story: some convicts get sent to a hotel to do some community service to get a month of their sentences. Of course, the top two floors of the hotel are off limits and that's where Kane lives. Did I mention that he (for some reason) has a habit of killing people with axes and plucking their eyeballs out with his fingers? Might have missed that.

So, with no known actors in this movie. The only person I'd heard of in the credits was Kane, and honestly, he should have used his real name so no one knew who it was. But then again, how could you mistake that ugly mug for anyone else?

This movie is bad. Not good bad. Bad bad. Shitty bad. Its not even the kind of bad where I would go, 'This is so bad... Man, I gotta see it again to see if it was as bad as I thought.' It was more like 'Man, that movie was so bad, I'm pretty sure if I had to watch it again, I'd have to pluck out my own eyes... Forget letting Kane do it.... I'm doing it myself.'

Here's the kicker! The movie ends, and the credits roll. I start thinking, 'Thank God thats over' and then another scene starts. It shows Kane's lifeless body lying in the foyer of the hotel, deader than dead, and a dog walks up to the body, sniffs it, and proceeds to urinate on Kane's face. Ironic, isn't it? We're forced to watch shit, while the "star" gets pissed on. How did he end up so lucky?

A steaming pile of crap for this one!

About time!

Superman Returns

* * * *

So, its been a long time, a really long time, since the MovieGuy saw a really fantastic movie. Finally, the trend of really bad movies was broken by Superman Returns. Its been a really long time since ol Supe has graced the big screen, but the long overdue wait was well worth it. And this is coming from a guy who isn't the world's biggest Superman fan.

So, the story goes that its been five years since Superman has left Metropolis. Everyone he knew has moved on. Lois is engaged and has a son. People have just learned to live without the blue and red. But, one day, he returns, and not a moment too soon. Because, you see, Lex Luthor is out of prison, and he has a swell plan to kill billions and create his own continent. This leads to lots of excitement and a few good action sequences. Especially the scene with the airplane and the space shuttle. This scene was one of the best action sequences in recent movie history.

I can't get across how good this movie is. It has action and heart. Good story. Good dialogue. Good acting and good foreshadowing for future sequels.

Brandon Routh is the new Superman, and he embodies Christopher Reeve so well that its hard to believe that it isnt Reeve on the screen. I thought Kevin Spacey was great as Lex Luthor. Which is a wonderful turn for him after watching Edison Force (see review below).

This one is highly recommended. There isnt much bad I can say about it. Come to think of it, I think the only reason it didn't get five out of five is because I'm not sure Kate Bosworth was the best to cast as Lois Lane. Other than that, a near-perfect movie. See it! See it!