my name is john constantine, asshole

Constantine

Official MovieGuy review:
* * 1/2 (out of five)


Ok, so I'm a big sucker for comic book-based movies. There are some really good ones out there (Sin City, the first two Burton-directed Batman movies, as well as the Nolan-directed one, both Spiderman movies, Daredevil, X-Men 2) and there are some bad ones (Batman Forever, Batman and Robin, Hulk) and then there are the mediocre ones like Constantine. It kind of slips into that, not too bad, but defintely not good category. I tuck it in with the first X-Men movie and Fantastic Four.

John Constantine is a demon hunter. Keeping Hell's minions at bay using all sorts of neat tools (I expecially liked the crucifix shotgun), he is kind of like a new age exorcist. After realizing that there are some really nasty demons trying to break through, the story unfolds that Satan's son is trying to come to Earth and claim it for himself. Mayhem ensues.

Admittedly, I dont know anything about the Hellblazer comics (what the movie is based on) other than what I've read on the internet. What I do know is that Keanu Reeves was a terrible choice for John Constantine, and not even because he looked nothing like Constantine in the comics. He was a bad choice because he looked totally unconvincing while smoking a cigarette - Constantine's trademark.

Rachel Weisz is in this too. She plays some woman and her twin. And that guy from Even Stevens is in it too. And that guy who played the crazy Russian astronaut from Armageddon and Abrussi from Prison Break plays Satan. He was the only one I really liked in this movie.

Now, its not to say I didnt like this movie. Because I did. Kind of. I found it entertaining, but I highly doubt I will ever watch it again. Ever.

Unless they make a sequel.