oh, those motherfuckin' snakes...

Snakes on a Plane

So, guess what? Sometimes, when internet buzz follows a movie for months before it's release, people are buzzing about the right thing. Said movie is sometimes original and scary and near perfect; unlike anything you've seen before. Of course, I'm talking about The Blair Witch Project. And guess what? Snakes on a Plane is not The Blair Witch Project.

Sam Jackson (who is one of my favourite actors) stars as a FBI agent escorting a witness from Hawaii to the US. The man on trial loads their plane full of poisonous, pheramone-riddled snakes, in an attempt to stop the witness from testifying. The only original thing this movie has going for it is premise. Come one. When was the last time someone put snakes on a plane? No one uses bombs or guns or anything anymore. The new wars will be fought with snakes.

I refuse to waste much time on this one. Its bad. And I don't mean Stay Alive bad, I mean one shade away from a Hellraiser sequel bad. There are some good one-liners by Jackson, but thats about it in this one.

This movie had incredible potential to be a wonderful B-movie, but got lost somewhere between the first minute and the last. Nothing works here. The hype was not worth it. Bloody Hell, even the blooper reel is poor. I refused to watch any deleted scenes, because this atrocity was already an hour and fourty-five minutes long.

Last word? Forget about it. Another steaming pile of crap. This one is bad. Real bad.

To paraphrase a quote from this one, "I'm sick and tired of these kinds of mutherfuckin' movies goin' into mutherfuckin' theatres. I'm tired of mutherfuckin' producers accepting poor mutherfuckin' scripts. I'm tired of mutherfuckin' internet hype, hyping bad mutherfuckin' movies."

Another adrenaline junkie...

Crank

* * *

Alright, so if you don't like Jason Statham (the Transporter movies, Snatch, and Lock, Stock and two Smoking Barrels) you're nuts! This guy is teh real deal! He's like the new Bruce Willis! I make that comparison because Willis is my favourite action star.

Statham made his start in Guy Ritchie indie heist/caper flicks and moved over to the US for a little film called The Transporter. It was a surprise hit and then came a sequel that was better than the original. What does a guy do next? Why he throws himself into what can only be described as a rock n' roll, video game-style, acid-trippy, non-stop adrenaline rush to the senses. Sure, that sounds good.

Hitman Chev Chelios wakes up to find that he's been injected with something called a Beijing cocktail, that Chelios discovers will kill him unless he keeps his adrenalin pumping beyong a certain level. Chelios swears vengeance on the man who poisioned him and sets out on a violent, fast-paced thrill-ride to find, and kill, the people that will, possibly, end his life.

This movie is great. Its nothing to send to the "Academy" for their consideration during awards season, but it is entertaining nonetheless. It has some great action scenes and is actually quite funny in places as well. Statham has once again brought another great character to the screen, following in the footsteps of Frank Martin from The Transporter.

While I was watching Crank, I couldn't help but think that it would have made for a really good concept for another Frank Martin adventure. I'm glad they didn't do this, because of the way the movie turns out (no spoilers here!) , but it did make me hunger for a third in the series.

So, once again, a three-star review from the MovieGuy. I need to get out of this rut. Or I need to purposely sit down and watch a terrible terrible movie. Crank is every thing I love in action movies: little on the dialogue (or, if there has to be some, its funny), high on intensity, great action sequences, and no need to be wearing your brain by any means (don't worry, it won't be off long, this one's only 85 minutes long). Check this one out!

Yes!

Attack of the Giant Leeches

* * 1/2

This is my kind of movie. A great creature feature from the '60s. Black and white. Bad acting. Bad special effects. Bad dialogue. Shotguns. Moonshine jugs. Rednecks. Plus, it was one feature on a double-feature DVD, that also has a yet-to-be-watched movie, The Wasp Woman, that sounds just as entertaining as this one.

Roger Corman was notorious from the '50s to the '70s for producing and directing cheap movies in a quick time frame. What he usually ended up with was movies like this one: poorly made movies. But its good in that Plan 9, Robot Monster sort of way.

When an adulterous couple are snatched by something from a local lake, things begin to run amok. A naturalist who is in the area destroying illegal hunting traps doesn't beileve that there is something in the lake killing people and will not let anyone throw dynamite in to "see if any bodies float up from the bottom." This essentially leads to a gang of rednecks searching the local swamp for the giant leeches, which they eventually find. Of course, the leeches aren't giant by Eegah! standards. More like giant compared to regular leech sizes.

So, the giant leech. When I first saw them, I couldn't help but laugh. Who wouldn't? It basically looks like a garbage bag with suction cups stuck all over it. As you see the leech moving underwater, you can see whoever is in it's legs and arms flailing inside the bag. Classic movie special effects.

I have seen better b-movies than this one, but it is still enjoyable to watch. Released in 1960, and with a running time of 66 minutes, it doesn't take long to watch, so if you like the b-grade beauties, check it out.

...good thing we packed those candies...

Open Water

* * *

Remember when you were little, and you saw Jaws, and it scared the crap out of you, and you didn't want to swim in your local pond/lake/river because you thought there was always a chance that the shark could get you from below? Well, I was just getting to the point where I was able to go swimming again, and then this other flippin' shark movie comes along, and sweet snapper, I don't want to swim again.

Granted, Open Water doesn't feature the same, blood-lusting sharks that Jaws did. This one has the rare, but apparently not rare enough, scuba-diver-left-behind-in-the-ocean-and we're-gonna-eat-ya shark. No, make that a plural: sharks.

After a miscalculation, two scuba divers on vacation are left behind on a scuba expedition in the middle of the ocean. They see some boats, but decide not to swim to them because they are at their drop-off point. As time goes on, the couple begins to drift in the ocean, leaving their drop-off point where, if anyone was looking for them, they could be found. Their instincts tell them to tread water and stay awake, but as time goes on, and night comes closer, the sharks come out to play. And, of course, they're hungry.

At the beginning of this movie, it says that it is based on true events, which scared the hell out of me. It makes me never, ever, want to go scuba diving, because I'm forgettable enough to get left behind too. And I have no survival instincts either. Especially against sharks.

This movie, like a recently reviewed movie Hard Candy, essentially features only two actors. They do a magnificent job as a couple, who's relationship is in trouble, and have to fight for their lives to stay awake and alive before a rescue team comes to get them. If they ever come to get them. They do a great job of acting out the panic and dread that would come along with being in such a situation. The movie does a great job of making you feel claustrophobic, even though you are in the middle of the ocean, you feel as lost and as scared as the actors do.

The MovieGuy says this is a very good, scary movie. I was tense watching it anyway. Anyone I know either says this movie is really good, or really terrible. Count me into the first category. Watch it!

sweet Jebediah Jones and the Mercy Makers...

Hellraiser: Inferno

Alright, so I lied. I said in a review of Hellraiser: Hellseeker that that movie would be my last in the series. But, here I find myself reviewing another one. And guess what? It sucks. Am I surprised? Not really. This one gets the all-new Double Deuce review, for extra crappy-ness.

Plot line: Someone does something bad. Finds the Pinhead Puzzlebox. Opens it. Cenobites come out. People start dying, but guess what, its not the Cenobites killing them. No, no. Its the original guy that did the bad thing. Pretty generic outline. Too bad every single Hellraiser sequel uses the same formula.

Its too bad that every sequel that I've seen from this franchise is so much like the one before and after. There's always a (very poorly played-out) turn-of-the-screw. There's always a hospital for insane people. There's always Pinhead dispensing the same useless "wisdom". Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

Honestly, I am sick and tired of these movies. With each one I watch, I lose appreciation for the original, which I still say is a horror classic. So far. It depends on how many sequels they decide to crank out though.

I'm officially done with this franchise. Not kidding. Well, if I do choose to watch any more of them, I won't review them. I'll just cry. Cry because, once again, I've decided to waste more time watching poorly made movies with poor actors and poor plots.

A message to the "good" people at Dimension Home Video:

PLEASE,

FOR THE LOVE OF MOVIE MAKING,

NO MORE HELLRAISER SEQUELS!

Message from the MovieGuy's Desk

MovieFans.

It has been brought to my attention that there are some spelling mistakes in my recent entries. Here are some excuses:

- I was tired

- I didn't run a spell check on them

- My dog ate it

- I swear, I didn't realize there would be paparazzi there to photograph me getting out of my car, wearing a really short dress without underwear on. I swear. Really.

More reviews soon (Open Water, Attack of the Giant Leeches, another Hellraiser sequel).

Stay tuned!

How to Downplay a Pretty Hollywood star: Review on the Run

House of Wax

*

Alright, Paris Hilton versus Elisha Cuthbert. Who's hotter? Cuthbert, right? Right. So, if this is true, why did the directors, producers, whoever, choose to downplay Cuthbert's good looks by making her dye her hair and wear less make-up only to allow Paris Hilton to strut around in sexy underwear (yes, she actually had a pair on for once) and take up mroe screen time with her unattractiveness. This remake is brutal to sit through. Its two bloody hours long. And I don't mean two hours of blood, I mean like, 'Holy crap, how long is this movie?'-two bloody hours long.

The only thing I found mildly amusing in this one is the scene at the beginning, where Paris Hilton is kissind her boyfriend, and another friend is taping it and Paris mutters something about turning the camera off. If only she had said that to Rick Salomon. Oh, and the scene where Paris dies is good too. Ironically, falling to her knees in a prone position. Maybe the same one she was in to land a role in this terrible movie?

Pass on it. Trust me.

Never Invite a Teenager Home!!

Hard Candy

* * *

When little, innocent Hayley Stark meets a guy on the computer and they decide to have a face-to-face meet, the chemistry is immaculate. They hit it off immediately. Jeff, a professional photographer, invited Hayley back to his house, where they start drinking screwdrivers. Before you know it, Jeff's camera is out, Hayley's top is off, and uh-oh, Jeff passes out. Might is be the incredible beauty of Hailey that brought him to his knees. Or was it maybe the tranquilers Hailey put in his drink? Judging from the little girl with teh red hood on and the huge fucking bear trap on the poster, you know this movie is going to take a turn for the worse. It turns out that Jeff is a professional photographer. He takes pictures of animals, models and naked children.

This movie has basically two cast members, Ellen Page (Hayley) and Patrick Wilson (Jeff) and it totally works. These two share the screen in a tense, taught thriller that was more tense than High Tension. But that's just my opinion. Both actors did an excellent job playign this movie out. There is a lot of dialogue between the two and there isn't a word wasted.

As Hayley tries to figure out what happened to Donna Mauer (it is never really explained whether or not Hayley knew this girl either) and as Jeff swears up and down he had nothing to do with her disappearance, but movie builds to a great conclusion and payoff that I was both surprised and pleased with. You watch this movie, and the lines are blurred between the two characters. While Jeff could potentially be a sexual predator, Hayley's role here isn't as innocent as her 14-year old mentality lets on.

This movie is creepy and thrilling and scary and exceptional. Its like one of those Dateline: Catch a Predator specials, only that the predator and the girl posing as an underage nymph are both guilty of something terrible. This movie is not for the squeamish, there are a couple scenes that are hard to watch (especially for the guys out there... watch it... you'll see), but Hard Candy is well worth seeking out and taking a look at.

Marvel Adaptation Extravaganza Vol. 2 & 3 : Reviews on the Run

Daredevil

* * * 1/2

A new feature on the MovieGuy's blog: Reviews on the Run. Quick little reviews. Not the in depth reviews like I normally post. Hah.

Ok, so I promised a trilogy of Marvel comic book movie reviews. Fantastic Four garnered (!) three stars, but Daredevil beats it by half a star. Thats not to say that this one is just a little bit better than FF, Daredevil is way better than FF. Its easy for me to say I love this movie. I don't know why I like it so much, I just do. I bought the Director's Uncut version that changes the theatrical version into an R-rated wunderbar! Ben Affleck stars as the blind superhero Daredevil who keeps the Hell's Kitchen district of New York free of criminals. Attourney by day, blind justice by night. When he meets a girl and falls in love with her (Jennifer Garner as Elektra), her past and father's connections bring up Daredevil's own tormented past, which can only lead to mayhem. Great fight sequences, good acting, great directing and cinematography, and kick ass soundtrack, Daredevil delivers as few comic book movies have. I put this one on the same level as the Spider-man and early Tim Burton Batman films. Definitely worth watching.

Elektra

Daredevil's dirty little sister. Instead of making a sequel to Daredevil, some studio exec decided to take Jennifer Garner's character (who, let's face it, died in Daredevil) and give her a spin-off movie.

So, aparently, Elektra was brought back to life and is out to kick some ass and save her neighbours. The pretty pictures on the back of the case look neat, but this movie is bloody awful. I vaguely remember Jennifer Garner commenting somewhere that she didn't want to attend the premiere of this movie because she knew how terrible it was. The only thing that I thought was interesting on the whole disk was a deleted scene that mentioned Matt Murdoch (Daredevil). You see Elektra dreaming, and then she see's Matt... ah, whatever. Terrible, terrible movie. A Steaming Pile of Crap rating, as you can see. Avoid. Its not even fun to watch in its badness.

Parker and Stone: Comedic Genius!

Team America:

World Police

* * *

This movie is one that I've been meaning to watch for a long time. Granted, I am not the world's biggest fan of South Park, but I did really enjoy the South Park movie. So, when I first heard about this one, I had a little bit of hesitation. Until I realized that it was completely made with marionettes. I mean, come on, who doesn't like a puppet show? Let alone one that is 90 minutes long and features the most bizarre sex scene ever recorded on film.

Team America polices the world from terrorists and when Kim Jong Il threatens the world's safety by potentially detonating enough weapons of mass destruction to destroy the world, all hell breaks loose. One of the members fo the team dies, and has to be replaced by an actor so he can infiltrate the terrorists to find out where the bombs are.

This movie is full of tasteless humor and politically incorrect faux pas, but its funny. It really funny. I was watching it with a friend, and both of us were saying that we couldn't believe how politically incorrect the movie was. They took every single clichee about Arabs and Koreans and just ran with it. Example? When X undergoes surgery to make him look more like an Arab, he ends up coming out with a unibrow and patchy facial hair. Another example? Every time someone of foreign nationality talks in their native language, they basically gibber jabber and throw in the odd word that everyone knows from that language. The French say 'sacre blue' a lot and the Arabs say 'Allah' and 'Jihad' a lot. My friend and I were groaning in humor at stuff like this. Its so wrong its funny.

This movie isn't for everyone. If you're easily offended, I would say don't watch this one. If you don't appreciate people making fun of other cultures and getting away with it so well, don't watch this one. If you don't like puppets, don't watch this one.

I loved this movie. I doesn't make me want to watch South Park the show anymore, but it does validate the fact that Trey Parker and Matt Stone can make good movies. Come on, who didn't like BASEketball?

I've heard that this due of Parker and Stone plan on making an old fashioned monster movie, complete with big rubber suits and cardboard cities being stomped on. If they can keep the same sense of twists humor in that one as is in Team America: World Police they have another guaranteed hit on their hands.

Bottom Line: So politically incorrect it isn't funny, but also, one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time.

Marvel Adaptation Extravaganza Vol. 1

Fantastic Four

* * *

So, its pretty darn obvious that I love comic book movies. Whether it was comics I read in high school, or just ones I've heard about, I love the big screen adaptations. I honestly didn't read Fantastic Four, but I always knew of them, and knew who they were.

Movies like this one run a certain gambit. They run the risk of upsetting long-time fans of the comic, but also potentially turning away new fans who just want to see a good movie by not making it accessable to the masses. As a non-comic book fan, I like this movie. It didn't disappoint me like the first X-Men movie did. I read that comic as a teenager and that movie spent too much time getting into the characters and back story for me. I already knew it all.

After an accident in space, Reed Richards, Ben Grimm, Sue and Johnny Storm and Victor Von Doom all return to Earth, not immediately realizing that their accident has caused them to gain some new extraordinary powers. Reed tries to find a cure for all of their powers, but the team soon comes to realize that they like their new strengths, and that there's a sinister villain named Dr. Doom (who's he?) on the loose.

I enjoyed the special effects, especially for the Human Torch and the Thing. I thought both of them looked good. Reed's elasticity didn't look too good sometimes and the Invisible Girl was pretty useless other than to see Jessica Alba in her underwear. Also, Dr. Doom's costume, while differing from the comics, looked cool.

Overall, the movie was a decent adaptation from comic to screen. It pales in comparison to some of my other favourite comic book movies (Batman, Hellboy, Sin City, Spiderman, Batman Begins) but it is worth a watch anyway. Check it out.

Side Note: More comic book reviews to come soon. Daredevil and its horrid offspring Elektra are on the way to complete the Marvel Adaptation Extravaganza Trilogy.

beware giant squids!

Slither

* * *

It's not often that people set out to make a b-movie. I can't imagine Ed Wood sitting around going, 'Wow, this Plan 9 thing is going to be the best bad movie of all time.' Usually, it ends up that someone makes a movie they think is good, but everyone hates it, and the reputation precedes it as being a terrible movie that is so bad you just have to see it.

This is how Slither succeeds. I believe writer/director James Gunn knew he was making a b-movie and simply had fun with it. Which is how the movie ended up: nothing but pure, golden b-movie fun!

When a meteor crashes on Earth, it brings a little worm-like creature with it that soon impregnates a man with the intent of colonizing the planet and destroying all humans. How's that for a b-movie plot? As the worms travel from body to body, the entire town becomes a hoarde of zombie-like creatures intent on destroying everything in their site. It's up to teeh town sheriff and a band of survivors to save the day.

This movie is chock full of wonderful b-grade special effects and gore. There are some hilarious scenes with Michael Rooker's character (he was the first one infected) as well as Gregg Henry (he played the town's mayor) who was bloody hilarious throughout. All the actors seemed to have fun making this movie. At any given time, you could easily see everyone on screen breaking out in laughter. It truly seemed like everyone working on this picture had an excellent time being there.

Oddly, as I was watching this movie, I kept thinking about Tremors (another of my favourite b-movies), probably because the wormy critters in this one were like little minature versions of the giant slugs Kevin Bacon fought. (Note to self: seek out a copy of Tremors)

James Gunn has previously written the remake of Dawn of the Dead (which I loved) and both Scooby-Doo movies (which I hated) but before that, worked with Lloyd Kaufman at Troma pictures. Troma being the kings of b-grade entertainment; whether it be action, horror or comedy, its all bad, all the time at Troma. If he can continue to make big-screen films with as much humor and horror as this one, with so many tongue-in-cheek jokes and near smirking at the cameras, his Hollywood career should last long and wonderfully.

Three cheers (and stars) for Slither. There could be a sequel, but hopefully not, but here's to James Gunn creating a wonderful piece of b-grade cinema, that knows it's b-grade, and relishes in said fact.

another tortured soul...

Hellraiser: Hellseeker

*

Uh-oh, Pinhead has found another tortured soul to torment for aproximately 90 minutes. Hellraiser: Hellseeker is the 27th or 28th movie in this long-standing direct-to-video franchise that is becoming increasingly stupid.

It all began in 1987 when Clive Barker adapted his great novella, The Hellbound Heart into a creepy, gory, awesome horror picture called Hellraiser. Since then, the main villain, Pinhead (pictured wonderfully there on the cover for this movie) has made appearances in something like seven or eight Hellraiser pictures. Thsi first was amazing, the second was ok, but until now, I haven't seen any of the other ones. I figured, there must be a reason for it. And there was. Because these movies are terrible. Bloody awful.

This one focuses on a man who loses his wife in a terrible car accident, but when as life goes on, strange things begin to happen. Like the detectives saying his wife wasn't in the car. And those fuckin' cenobites (Pinhead and his gang of S & M bound mates) keep showing up at the weirdest places.

This one tries to be artsy, and it seemed like whoever wrote this little gem has watched The Usual Suspects and Reservois Dogs a few too many times. Strange plot devices thrown in that don't make sense until the end. And like most of the Hellraiser pictures, Pinhead is not a central figure to the plot. Not really. He's just there to throw the odd clue into the mix and be creepy in rooms full of chains. And usually in the last fifteen minutes or so, he shows up to bring you up to speed and claim a soul or two, or in the case of this movie, five.

I have a copy of Hellraiser: Deader around here to watch sometime. I'm not sure I'm going to after seeing this one. I think my time with Pinhead is done. Unless the Scream Channel decides to play the original again. Don't waste your time with this one. Or any of the other Hellraiser sequels. All these movies do, is go to show that Pinhead, while a wonderfully creepy horror villain, is not worth the time and money put into renting such atrocities.

I think I would almost rather take one of the pin from said villain's head and stab myself in the kneecap than watch another of these movies.

I justify the one star on the simple fact that Pinhead was in it. No matter how bad these movies are, I really do like that needle-headed mofo.

hybrid moviemaking

Nightwatch

* * *

I'm not huge into Russian cinema. I don't go out intentionally seeking some masterpiece of Russian filmmaking with the intent on seeing some potential Best Foreign Feature Oscar winning movie. Granted, Nightwatch isn't an Oscar calibre film, but it is really friggin cool!

The back story is long and hard to get into to recap, but here's a quick summary: Light and Dark forces have been at war for years. When a truce is called, the two sides police each other to make sure they aren't being killed without the other side knowing. The Light side seems to be filled with psychics and shapeshifters, while the Dark side seems to be mostly vampires. There is an ancient prophecy that says there will be one who will come and choose a side and the war between Light and Dark will begin again, with the chosen one swaying the balance of the war.

This movie plays out like a cross between The Matrix and Underworld, and the directing shows. There a lots of bullet-time sequences, but they look good... not like the ones in House of the Dead. There are lots of similarities between this one and the other two mentioned above, but it isn't necessairily a bad thing. Granted, I liked The Matrix, but if it didn't exist, and this movie did, this one would have found a huge market.

It ends up that Nightwatch is the first of a trilogy, with Daywatch and Duskwatch to follow. Personally, I can't wait for the next two to come out. A very cool movie! Check it out. Great story. Cool special effects. Good acting. Great directing. See it!

Side Note: Even though this is a Russian movie, it is dubbed by english-speaking Russian actors, so the voices work... even though they don't match up with the lips.

another Clint Howard classic!!

House of the Dead

* *

What would Hollywood do without Clint Howard? Or video games for that matter? If it wasn't for these two things, we wouldn't have gems of movies like House of the Dead.

There have been a long list of video games turned into movies. Some are good like Doom or Super Mario Brothers (I like it because its so bad). Some are bad like Wing Commander, Double Dragon and the Mortal Kombat series.

House of the Dead falls in between for me. Its so bad... its good. But its bad, man. Real bad.

A group of people decide to attend a rave on a deserted island, the ominously called Isla del Muerta. After missing the boat ride there, they miss all the fun. And the killing. Of course, once they get there, most everyone is dead and there seem to be a terrible hoarde of zombies running amok on this island, making more zombies and ruining rave-type fun, like sex and beer drinking. And Clint Howard sees some boobs and becomes a zombie himself.

House of the Dead is based on an old Sega video game. One I think I remember playing, but I'm not sure. This one is full of blood and guts and terrible special effects and, for some reason, intersperced with scenes from the video game, which end up eating about five total minutes of screen time in this 90 minute masterpiece.

What I couldn't believe watching this one was the special effects. There were a lot of close-ups of heads exploding or being crushed or limbs being eaten, but it all looked like really bad props. This would be fine if director Uwe Boll (apparently the Ed Wood of current directors) didn't use Matrix-style bullet-time technology for fight sequences. It looks ridiculous and I think that chunk of budget would have been better spent on the gore.

Let it be known that this movie is terrible. There are gaping plot holes, dialogue that doesn't make sense (one character exclaims to another, 'What were those things?' one second, and then a second later says something about 'damn zombies' when no one said anything about zombies), bad acting, bad directing, bad casting, bad zombies (one of the looked like a zombie Kim Mitchell!) bad back story, yadda yadda... but I can't help but like it. Because its bloody terrible. Last night, I reviewed Inside Man and gave it three stars out of five, but said I would most likely never watch it again. Tonight, I review House of the Dead with two stars and I know I would watch this one again.

Uwe Boll is the new Ed Wood. House of the Dead is as terrible as everyone says it is. It deserves to be on iMDB's Bottom 100 Worst Movies of all Time list (No.# 24 ). And I loved it.

See it. You'll hate it.

Side Note: I drafted this review, and have since found out that there is a direct to Tv/DVD release called House of the Dead 2: Dead Aim . If someone would like to send me a copy of this to watch, I would appreciate it.

Second Side Note: there are aparently plans for a third movie as well...

first review of '07!

Inside Man

* * *

Ok, so the first review of 2007! Well, here it is. One of the "best reviewed" movies of 2006, Spike Lee's Inside Man.

I have to admit, I like Spike. He Got Game, Clockers, Jungle Fever: all good movies of his I've seen.

Clive Owen and Jodi Foster: two great actors.

The Denzel. Not such a big fan of The Denzel.

But this movie was good. I thought it was a decent little heist flick. Heist flicks are always good. The reason they're good is because the writers know that each bank robbery movie is basically the same, except for how the criminals get away (if they get away). So each time someone writes a bank robbery movie, it had better be damn smart and damn convincing and have a damn good ending. This one does that.

That's not to say this one doesn't have its faults. It is really long. At 129 minutes, I've seen longer movies that captivated my attention better than this one. It just seemed to go on and on. And there were little side plots and conversations that seemed like they were hints as to things going on in the movie, but ended up meaning nothing at all. This kind of stuff drives me bonkers. Well, it pisses me off, really.

This movie is kind of like an ultimate showing of mediocrity to me. Its all kind of ok. I want to wave my hands back and fourth in a comme ci, comme ca manner when talking about it.

I realize I didn't provide a plot summary for this one, but hey, its a heist flick. Dudes go to rob a bank. They talk with a hostage negotiator. Things aren't what they seem. The Denzel smirks his way through yet another movie. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Here's the skinny on Inside Man: check it out. Its a decent movie. I liked it. But it has some slow spots. I would probably rather watch a bad movie, and I know I'll probably never watch this one again.

I think I'm off to watch House of the Dead actually. Now, that's my kind of movie.