I Just Couldn't... notes from MovieGuy's Desk

This doesn't happen very often. I've watched a lot of bad movies in my day. Hell, I've seen Plan 9 more than once. But once in a while, a movie comes along and I just can't finish it. I've decided to still go ahead and review these movies in what I'm going to call Non-Reviews. Non-Reviews will get a Zero Star review, because its not fair to call something a Steaming Pile of Crap if I didn't finish watching it. In the last two weeks, I have had two such movies I thought I would let you know were so terrible, I couldn't finish them. Here goes.

Non-Review #1
The Covenant
(zero stars)

Ok, so there are some man-witches and they are part of some secret circle of man-witches. Some other guy comes along and tries to kill them so he can steal their power. Watch as man-witches party. Watch as they race Hummers through forests. Watch as man-witches are super cool dudes that are the most popular people in school, and now matter how bad man-witches are, the girls still want them, big time.

Non-Review #2
Pulse
(zero stars)

What do you get when you cross Veronica Mars, any phone line connection, a supporting cast of early twenty-something no-name actors and the premise from, what I can only imagine, a great Japanese horror film? You get Pulse. A pure drivel piece of garbage that I tried to watch not once, not twice, but three times, and even jumping scenes ahead to were I was previously, I still didn't get more than half way through this one. Terrible. And you know what I'm getting really sick of? Fucking pasty-white, black eyed ghost-people in Japanese remake horror movies.